yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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