im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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