I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
