naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
