My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
