I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
