Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
