i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
