I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
