I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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