Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
