If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
