i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
