i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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