I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
