fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
