Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
