So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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