party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oh god it's open bar.
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