My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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