Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
