You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
