He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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