fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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