can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
