White coat. Heels.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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