just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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