shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
