She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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