smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
