So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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