Your dad touched me again.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
