he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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