I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
