I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
