well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
