garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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