Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
