I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
