I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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