HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
