I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
