WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
