I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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