So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
