my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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