It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
