i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just want nice things and good sex
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
