"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
