if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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