a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
