My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
